We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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