I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
