i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
