My entire life is one complicated drinking game
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
