it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
