News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
