Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
