so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
