you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
