I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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