I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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