Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
