I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
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