Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
