I wish I only lived at night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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