FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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