3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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