I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
