batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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