I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
