Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
