You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
