It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
