i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
