The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
