In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
