you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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