Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
