How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
