This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
