I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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