My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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