I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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