just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
