we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So vagazzling was a success
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
