Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's even glitter on my cock...
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