This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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