I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
