Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
