She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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