Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
