the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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