yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
wow bdsm is so cute
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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