East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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