What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
there is puke in my bra ... again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
