so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He better not be in your backpack
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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