I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
