ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
