Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
