So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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