you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
