I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
