Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
