he thought i was a dude.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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